we have 3 more years to worship at the altar

good news came this weekend when i learned that cole hamels just extended his contract with the phils for three more years.



my friend sent me possibly one of the funniest craigslist posts i have ever read. and i swear to you i didn't write it.

Cole Hamels You're the MVP of my VAG

while looking up some info on my favorite pitcher i came across this website that has ridiculous "facts" about cole. (not unlike the chuck norris facts swarming the web).

it's pretty funny actually.here are a few of my favorites:

#28 Cole Hamels is so great that he makes suicide commit life.
#63 When Cole gets Chinese takeout, he uses one chopstick. When he opens his fortune cookie, it says, "You're Cole Hamels. Lucky Numbers - You tell me".
#285 God did not create Cole Hamels. Cole Hamels created God. God is simply his pet chinchilla.
#349 Cole is incapable of owning a dog, there is no way he could ever “walk” him.
#464 Cole Hamels won Iron Chef by peeing in a glass
#488 Cole Hamels is so impressive that he would even impress himself, if he were capable of being impressed, which is just ridiculous.
#494 When Cole Hamels walks into a hardware store, all the stud finders go off.
#538 Cole Hamels...that's what she said.
#581 The smoke monster on LOST is not a monster. In fact, it's just residue from a Cole Hamels changeup.
# 615 A glimpse into the future... Tonight the Philadelphia Cole Hamels beat the New York Cole Hamels by ten runs. The pitcher- who isn't Cole Hamels- retired all 27 batters in order to get his 3rd Cole Hamels. The pitcher- who wasn't Cole Hamels- caught the last batter looking at the third Cole Hamels. After the last batter was retired, the manager of the New York Cole Hamels (Derek Jeter) was overheard saying this from the dugout... "How in the Cole Hamels can you call a 3rd Cole Hamels on that kind of a Cole Hamels." He was later fired and banned from baseball for using Cole Hamels's name in vain.
# 688 If Cole Hamels were a planet, we'd all abandon Earth to go live on him. Actually, the above is irrelevant because we should do that anyway
# 688 Arthur "The Fonz" Fonzarelli learned how to pick up girls, act naturally cool and have perfect hair 24 hours a day from Cole Hamels
# 785 Elvis isn’t dead. He lives with Cole Hamels...as his butler.
# 826 Men no longer propose with diamond rings; they give framed pictures of Cole Hamels.
# 964 Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I have a dream speech" wasn't about breaking the barriers of racism in contemporary America, it was referencing a wet dream he had about Cole Hamels.
# 983 Cole once saw Bigfoot. After seeing him, Cole simply said, "Mine's bigger," and then walked away.
# 1005 Wawa is changing it's name to ColeCole.
# 1315 The last time Cole Hamels pitched, the giveaway was birth control for the ladies
# 1329 Cole Hamels walked the length of Ikea in three minutes and twelve seconds. Once in the warehouse, he put everything together...without reading the directions and without an allen wrench
# 1447 Life doesn't give Cole Hamels lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants
# 1557 While girls used to dream about Zack Morris on Saved by the Bell, Zack Morris used to dream about Cole Hamels
# 1658 Cole Hamels was once thrown out of a game for touching his face before he threw his devastating changeup. The reason? The umpire claimed Cole was doctoring the ball with “handsome”
# 1810 There's no crying in baseball, unless Cole Hamels is pitching and you're a Met.
# 1850 There is no Zuul, only Cole Hamels
# 1862 The Phillies-Dodgers confrontation started when Shane Victorino heard Hiroki Kuroda say Cole Hamels isn't handsome.
# 1893 Cole Hamels is the only person who is legally allowed to hunt any animal from a helicopter. He just throws fastballs at them, and occasionally at Sarah Palin to make sure she understands the “law”.
# 1899 At the end of Lost in Translation, Scarlett Johansson whispers to Bill Murray, “I love Cole Hamels.”