yo ho ho and a bottle of rum

so i don't know what's the sudden resurgence of pirates in the news.
did they hear of some ninja attacks and get jealous?
are they johnny depp fans?
was there a new dvd release of peter pan in somalia?
newly translated texts of robert louis stevenson?

regardless the resaon my opinion on this is
EPIC FAIL! PIRATES:U'R DOIN IT WRONG!



here are fifteen facts that the somalian pirates have neglected to take into account when deciding to become "pirates":


1. pirates drink rum and often sing.
2. they are looking for booty: i.e.-gold, jewels. i'd even cut them some slack if they were lookin for the other kind of booty.
3. they have sarcastic parrots.
4. they have swords-they SWASHBUCKLE!
5. they have skull & crossbone flags (aka the jolly roger) to denote their piracy status in the seas
6. they use cannons from their ships. their large old timey wooden ships. and when they aren't in their giant ships they use small wooden rowboats.
7. they wear eyepatches.
8. when they've lost an appendage from swashbuckling they compensate with a peg leg or hook hand.
9. they make people walk planks.
10. sometimes they use muskets.
11. phrases such as "arrrrrgh!", "matey", "ahoy me hearty","shiver me timbers" should be used with frequency.
12. they look for buried treasure with maps where X marks the spot.
13. if you're the cap'n you wear a frilly coat, buckled shoes, and a fancy hat. if you're first mate or part of the crew you wear a stripey shirt and a bandana. gold hoop earrings are a must. beards and bad teeth should often be seen.
14. women on board are generally wenches or barmaids they've kidnapped on their shoreleaves.
15. they get scurvy.

so get it right or pick another profession!!!